5:28 pm  •  24 May 2012  •  2 notes

My internship has turned out to be much different than I thought.  I’m learning German, yes—but I’m also learning about life.  (Okay, that sounds super cheesy, but let me explain.)

Frau Braun* has a tendency to talk a lot about her students—good and bad.  She calls certain students dumb, others lazy, and others she praises in front of the class.  She doesn’t see it as being mean; instead, her perspective is that refusing to sugar-coat things is more fair than not.  The other teachers seem to share that view.

Several students in her class are in the foster system here in Germany, which from what I’ve gleaned is similar to that in the USA: people get money from the government to take care of children in the system, although sometimes they take advantage of that.

One girl in particular, Anna**, has mild disabilities and a less-than-satisfactory foster family (according to Frau Braun).  This was already sad, but a couple of weeks ago Anna immediately attached herself to me.  Hugging, wanting to play with me on the playground, etc.  It was heartbreaking—but not as heartbreaking as when she called me Mama.

“Ich bin keine Mama,” I said, embarrassed.  I’m not a mama.

“Mama! Mama!” Anna grinned.

I thought that it would go away if I ignored it, but throughout the day it got worse.  She was begging me to sit by her and trying to hold my hand, and finally I kept saying I’m not your mom, please stop.  What am I supposed to do in that kind of situation?  This little girl doesn’t have a mom.  I’m only going to be here for two more months, and anyway, I have no desire to step into a motherly role.

I told Frau Braun about it, and she called in one of her colleagues, Janina***, to consult. They asked me if Anna was just playing a game.  I said I wasn’t sure.  Then Frau Braun told me to say, “Nein, deine Mama ist zu Hause. Ich bin Frau Irby.”   (No, your mother is at home. I’m Miss Irby.)

This experience has proven really hard for me to handle.  

*I’m not going to use her real name since she might find this blog, HEAVEN FORBID.

**I’m also not going to use her real name because I’m pretty sure that it’s illegal and/or not ethical.

***How about we just assume that all names are pseudonyms?

8:28 am  •  14 May 2012

In the first couple of weeks I was here I had to deal with German bureaucracy, of course, but I had a structured support system: my Doubles, the international office, etc.  Unfortunately, I learned recently that although those people are good for helping you in the first month you’re here, halfway through your visit you might find it difficult to get more involved help.  (Or you might just totally forget to contact them until it’s too late.)

Visas:

I was supposed to go with one of my Doubles to get my visa, and if they couldn’t go I was supposed to call Britta or Johanna to take me.  I was an idiot and forgot to email Fatma back about it, and in the morning of my appointment I realized that I had no one to go with me.  Awesome.  My friend and fellow American Jenna saved my ass (Sorry about the cursing, Dr. Gess!) by showing me where the building was.  She knows very little German, so it was up to me to get through the entire process on my own.

I showed up, they called my name, and I sat down at the desk.  The woman was very kind and didn’t know a lick of English.  She spoke very clearly, which was incredibly helpful.  God bless the Germans who won’t baby me by speaking English, and who instead speak clear German!  I got through the appointment without any trouble, although I was confused when she started talking about driver’s licenses… Anyway, I’m sure it didn’t matter since I won’t get a driver’s license here anyway.  I was quite pleased that I didn’t need any native German speakers; it made me feel much better about my German!

Health insurance:

“Ich wollte zum Arzt gehen, aber ich hab’ bemerkt, dass mein Geburtsdatum falsch ist.”

If you can’t read German, the above says: 

“I wanted to go to the doctor, but I realized that my birth date [on my insurance card] is wrong.”

Yep.  My birth date was wrong.  Actually, just this afternoon I went to the local health insurance office on my campus to figure out what in samhill is up with my card.  I had realized wayyyyy before that that my birth date was wrong, but I never got around to fixing it.

Of course, until I had to go to the doctor.

The words above were the exact ones I said to the office worker in the office as I handed him my registration sheet and my insurance card.  He did a double-take, looked up my information in the computer, and said (in German), “The machine must have screwed up.  All your information is correct in the computer!”  He asked me a few more questions in German, which I answered in German, and he made sure to speak very clearly and slowly for me.  God love him!  Seriously.  Germans, stop using me as your English object (what Chase has started calling it) and start letting me speak in German to you like this guy did!

Going to the Doctor:

I really, really need to go to the doctor.  I’ve managed to locate a few English speakers (sorry, Dr. O, I don’t trust myself to accurately describe my symptoms auf Deutsch), and I’ll make an appointment this afternoon.  Let you know how it goes.

8:10 am  •  14 May 2012

I’m in my fourth week of classes, which is amazing and scary all at the same time. I’m also in my second week of my internship (but I’ll get to that later).

The courses:

Each of my courses has its own specific challenges, linguistic and just generally academic. My two most difficult classes are Hörverstehen (which was described in my last post) and Elfriede Jelinek. I know that my conversational German is good, or at least passable, and so is my written German. However, I sometimes find it difficult to understand spoken German, which makes the Hörverstehen coursework a pain to get through; that is the reason why I’m in the class in the first place, though.

Unfortunately, my Elfriede Jelinek class is even harder. Although I have spoken with the professor—who is a very understanding woman—multiple times, I’m still confused about the requirements for the course. On top of that, the assigned reading is near-impossible for me to complete. The amount wouldn’t be a problem if Elfriede Jelinek’s language weren’t so lyrical; I can’t express how often I am confused about the grammar in one of her sentences. My speed in reading German has increased, fortunately, for which I am grateful.

The internship:

This is the experience which I think will be teaching me the most while I’m here in Germany. I’m helping teach English (in the context of mathematics) to 7 year old students, and it is already proving rewarding. The kids adore me, which brightens my day. I never realized just how difficult it is to teach, though—and such simple concepts in a language that isn’t my native language! I’ve been attempting to help the children with their multiplication tables in German, but sometimes my vocabulary fails me. Often I’m not even sure if I could explain it in English, since I have taken the comprehension of multiplication for granted for nearly three-quarters of my life. Often I feel embarrassed that I can’t help the children as well as I would like, but they seem to understand my plight. I cannot wait until I get to know them better—and possibly teach them an entire lesson!

Everything else:

I’m unfortunately still struggling with my Schüchternheit (shyness) when it comes to speaking the German language, although I’m doing my best to overcome that. I’m just so worried about making mistakes that I freeze up. My professors have been quite kind about it so far, and not a one of them has tried to baby me by speaking English, which is something I appreciate, especially since many Germans do that. A few times I have been mistaken for a German student—yay!—and have communicated effectively with people who have asked me questions (Can you open that window, please? Do you know when this meeting starts? Can you help me find this place?). I’ve been asked for directions multiple times now, and the people who have asked me have complimented me on my German. I know that Germans tend to be quite honest about these sorts of things, so I feel validated when this happens.

On a more personal note, I am eating much less lately due to stress. I am never hungry. I hope this isn’t something that continues to happen.

4:52 pm  •  25 April 2012

It’s been about a month since I last updated, and what a busy month it’s been!  You’ll be happy, dear reader, to see that I am not homesick at all anymore and have become mostly acclimated to my new environment.  It wasn’t easy, but once I made friends with my fellow international students, as well as a few German students, the homesickness went away on its own.

Intensivkurs

We finished up our Intensivkurs, which was amazing.  We went on several trips (Düsseldorf, a brewery in Dortmund, a few museums, Köln, etc.) and I really do think I learned a lot.  One of the best things about the class was our instructor, Jens, who was 28 years old and wore American basketball clothes.  He was hilarious, and really helped me with prepositions (THE WORST PART OF THE GERMAN LANGUAGE BESIDES THE SUBJUNCTIVE).

Starting Classes

I also started my classes!  Woohoo! It was exhausting trying to simultaneously plan this semester’s schedule in Dortmund and next year’s schedule at Hendrix—while trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life!

When I got to Germany and got over my homesickness, it really got me thinking about my future plans regarding a career.  I already knew from schoolwork that I enjoyed German more than mathematics, and as a result I had been considering going to graduate school for German.  And now I’m pretty sure this is what I’m going to do!  Coming to Germany has really solidified that idea, as long as I can survive my classes.  German students typically take between 6-8 classes, which meet once a week for two hours.

Speaking of classes, they are:

• Konversation C1 (a German as a foreign language course)
• Hörverstehen B2-C1 (a course that helps you improve your comprehension of spoken German)
• Elfriede Jelinek (a course devoted to the writing of Elfriede Jelinek, who was a feminist and wrote awesome things. AND I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS COURSE even though it is going to be a lot of work.)
• Ruhr|Detroit (an urban studies course comparing the Ruhrgebiet and Detroit)
• Feminism & Gender Studies
• Unsilenced: Female Reports Entering the Male Dominated War Arena

It’s going to be amazing.  I do need to get over my fear of actually speaking German.  Even though I have no problem listening to other people speak it, the minute I have to speak it I get really nervous and just freeze up.  There’s a picture of me on Facebook immortalizing one particularly embarrassing moment: I had been looking at some plants at a farmer’s market, and the lady at the booth came up to me and asked me something in German.  Instead of asking “Wie, bitte?” like a sane person, I kind of shrunk myself and didn’t say anything until she went away.  I must’ve seemed rude!

I’m trying to work on that fear.  I don’t like being shy in the foreign language I’ve chosen to study.

11:16 am  •  9 April 2012  •  1 note

[Note: This account is technically written for Dr. Gess, but there’s going to be a lot of extraneous detail because my family is going to read it, too. Sorry, Dr. Gess! If you want to read what I learned about myself, just skip to the end where the three asterisks are.]

So, this is my third day in Germany. I don’t have internet—in fact, I’m writing this in a word document on my computer in the privacy of my single room in a Studentenwohnheim (for you non-German speakers, a dorm). But I’m getting ahead of myself, so I’ll start with my journey here.

Chase and I left my hometown in Arkansas with my dad on Tuesday, February 28, for Dallas. We flew out of Dallas to Frankfurt with Gus the next day. We met up with Calvin after we went through customs* in the Frankfurt airport, and we all took the ICE train to Dortmund, a journey of only two and a half hours. The ICE is incredible; it’s clean and the personnel are friendly. In other words, it’s the kind of transportation that would cost thousands of dollars in the USA, if you could find it at all.

I wasn’t scared at all throughout the flight (I was mostly grumpy that I couldn’t sleep) and I still wasn’t nervous after we landed and we boarded the train (I was mostly too concerned with staring out of the window at the surrounding landscapes). In fact, I thought I was doing very well until I actually got to Dortmund. Then it just kind of fell apart.

My Dortmund doubles, Fatma and Janina, met us at the Dortmund Hauptbahnhof (main train station) at the platform. I immediately took to them because they were so kind and they spoke to us in English, for which I was grateful because my brain was so fried from hours and hours of travel that I don’t think I would’ve been able to effectively communicate in German. Everyone else’s doubles** also met them soon after, and we all took the subway to the university.

At this point all I wanted was a shower and a nap (I know, Dr. Gess, I know, I wasn’t supposed to take a nap), but we weren’t even close to that happening. We went to a place on campus called the Galerie, and we sat around a huge table just talking. I would’ve enjoyed this more had I not smelled bad and been unable to think straight. Then we went to the library and got our library cards so that we could use the internet. Remember when I said I didn’t have internet right now? That’s because my wifi in my dorm room won’t be turned on until April. I have to go to the library to use the internet (or commandeer Calvin’s laptop, since he has an awesome roommate who gave him his own user ID and password to use).

After that, we tried to go sign the leases for our apartments, since technically I live in an apartment with three other girls. Unfortunately, German efficiency isn’t what I expected, and after waiting for nearly an hour they told us not to bother since they were closing in an hour and a half. (What??!!)

Finally, we went to talk to the Hausmeister. Everyone kept calling him the “janitor” in English, which is a pretty terrible translation of the word, in my opinion. He’s actually in charge for our entire building and doesn’t clean (as far as I know). He’s in charge of arranging maintenance and giving keys and whatnot. I understood very little of his German. He spoke so fast and I was really frustrated by the time I got done talking to him. Fortunately, Fatma and Janina were there to explain things to me and I got to go to my apartment.

***I wanted them to leave. I wanted to unpack by myself and relax and shower. It was about 3 in the afternoon by that point. Fatma’s mother had made me some Turkish food (rolls filled with parsley and some kind of cheese), and she left me those and two oranges when she left, along with a small package of tissues.

I would later thank Fatma mentally for such foresight. After I showered (with a hand-held shower head! That is still taking some getting used to!) and took a nap, I got up and ate some of the rolls and drank some water. I then tried to use my outlet adapters, and I found out they didn’t work. That pretty much broke me. I was so frustrated and tired and stressed that I started bawling and wanted to go home.

Dr. O might be surprised at that last sentence. I can’t believe it either sometimes. Me, homesick? After only a few hours? Yeah, right!

How wrong I was. I was in a foreign city with no way of contacting the other people from my college and no way to get online and feel even a tiny bit closer to the people at home. I had no curtains on my window and no way to even charge my laptop and phone. It was terrible. Fatma’s tissues were the only comfort I had. I never, ever would’ve thought this of myself—I’m independent! I need no one!

I learned that I do. At least, a little bit.

*I actually have a semi-funny account of my customs experience. I was rather nervous and made Gus go first; when the customs agent asked him why he was in Germany, Gus stated simply “I’m studying abroad for five months.” Easy. I decided that I’d try the same approach. (Chase told me not to answer in German because they would question me more and in German.)

Me: Hello.

Customs agent: Hello. [takes my passport] Why are you in Germany?

Me: I’m studying abroad for five months.

And then, with a perfect German bluntness, he held out my passport and asked, “How many of you are there?” I was so startled by this question that I quickly pointed to Chase and said, “The guy after me is the last one!” and took my passport and walked swiftly away. I told Gus about it immediately afterward and he laughed and said that the girl in front of him had also said she was studying abroad.

**One of Gus’s doubles, Markus, actually studied at Hendrix last semester, and we all knew him. He gave us huge hugs and seemed really excited to see us. I was glad to see a friendly face in a foreign land!

4:25 pm  •  19 March 2012  •  1 note

I’ve discovered that I’m not very good at saying goodbye.  I’m of two extremes: either I can’t hold in my emotions and am a crying mess, or I manage to disguise my feelings so well that I give the impression of apathy.

I’m nearly done packing.  It’s a good thing I’m a minimalist (at least, when it comes to clothes), so one medium-to-large sized suitcase and a carry-on are more than enough to hold all the clothes I want to bring.  I’m also bringing a few more personal things to make my room/apartment (I’m not really sure where I’m living!) feel like home, like my favorite mug and my Fossil watch box.  

I also set up a DropBox account so that I can have shared folders with my family and friends.  I taught my mom how to use it last night, and she was pretty excited that she can drop pictures of my baby sister into our shared folder and have me see them.  And of course, she’s also excited that she’ll be able to see any pictures of Germany that I put in there, too!

Chase and I are leaving for Dallas today with my dad.  It should be fun!  He says he’ll teach me German drinking songs during our trip.

Anyway, I need to finish packing since I’m leaving in a few hours.  I’ll get to Frankfurt around 1:00 a.m. Arkansas time.

11:40 am  •  28 February 2012  •  1 note